Self-sabotage is present when we have thoughts, emotions or behaviors that get in the way of our happiness, dreams, goals and success. You may be sabotaging your success by constantly missing deadlines, not following through with leads or simply being disorganized.
Here are a few common self-sabotaging thoughts/behavior:
- Constant money worries. Often generational beliefs around money are passed down. Perhaps you heard your parents and/or grandparents speaking about money. Statements such as: “Money does not grow on trees.” Or “We are not the Rockefellers.” My Mother and her siblings had this mindset because they grew up during the depression to two immigrant parents.
- Chronic Procrastination. Instead of tackling an important project in a timely manner, you allow yourself to become distracted and wait until the last minute. It is very stressful – to you and to others - and often causes you NOT to show up as your best self. Sound familiar? Typically it fear of failure, overwhelm, and more that is causing this. Once identified and released - your life becomes so much more stress-free.
- Negative self-talk/negative thinking. Your inner dialogue is constantly critical. Are you getting down on yourself for past mistakes? Are you constantly feeling as though you are not good enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough? Skinny enough? We all have these thoughts. The problem is that the more we think about something, the more we start believing them. They then begin to limit us - thus, limiting beliefs.
- Perfectionism. You tell yourself you can’t take action until the everything is perfect – the timing, your skills, etc. Perfection is an impossible standard that causes you to be stuck/keeps you from moving forward. Often times it is caused by not feeling secure or a childhood need of pleasing. Once this "belief" is released - and replaced with truth - life is happier and easier.
Not sure if you have any self-sabotaging thoughts, emotions or behaviors? Take this free quiz (about 20 questions) identifying whether or not you may have self-sabotaging thoughts or behaviors – often called blocks.
So what are we to do? The key to a happier, more successful life is always personal and professional development. When we have a toothache - we see a dentist. When we need to have surgery, we see a surgeon. We, you and I cannot be "masters" of everything in our lives. That is why the happiest, most successful people have coaches and consultants. They realize that investment will pay dividends in the end.
1. The first step to breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is to first of acknowledge there is an issue. However, many times we are unaware of these thoughts and behaviors as being self-sabotaging. It truly comes down to you asking yourself if you are happy where you are at in your life, relationships, health and/or business success. If you are not - then there is room to explore and see what could be limiting you/holding you back.
2. The root cause needs to be identified. Many of us develop unhealthy ways of coping overwhelm and stress. We do not fulfill commitments, fail to take good care of ourselves, and/or we take our relationships for granted. We allow ourselves to react adversely to situations. But sometimes these things are so subtle that we can’t see how self-sabotage is at the root of many of our problems.
The self-destructive habits the result of us having low self-worth. You don’t feel like you deserve to be successful. You experience feelings of inadequacy, even when you’re trying to overcompensate by setting high goals for yourself. Some may even use self-sabotage as a twisted form of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Getting someone who is trained to identify this is key.
3. You want to find your inner positive voice. Fear is often at the root of what holds us back. First and foremost, we fear that our inner critical voice is right. We start to worry that we “don’t have what it takes” or “aren’t tough enough” or “simply don’t have it in us”, "not worthy" and so on.
It’s time to replace those harsh inner voices, that pattern of self-sabotaging, self-limiting thoughts that are the result of past memories and perceptions of those memories that are then coupled with various filters - and we need to replace them with truth – YOUR truth!
We must replace that critical mind-chatter with positive, encouraging thoughts.
Once you understand the areas and ways in which you are limiting yourself, you can start effectively countering that behavior. You can choose to not engage in self-sabotaging behavior. You can start building positive behavior and create an affirmative, confident voice to guide you.
Then, you must change your thoughts/change your pattern of behavior.
Changing our negative behaviors and external circumstances are essential if we are to stop sabotaging ourselves. In every moment, we’re taking action that either moves us toward or away from the person we want to be and the life we want to have. The behaviors you keep permitting yourself to do are the ones that are keeping you from what you most desire.
Consider how the actions you are taking and the thoughts you are thinking, conflict with your happiness and hold you back from your true potential.
If there is a stressful situation that triggers you to react in a negative way there is an underlying issue – a limiting belief. Again, it is critical to replace old patterns with new ones that are more helpful in achieving your goals.
Dr. Bruce Lipton talks about the Science of Epigenetics stating that thought patterns are inherited generations to generation. If you have self-sabotaging thought patterns - break the cycle. Break if for yourself and for future generations.
4. Solutions. Some people start off with self-help books and others try therapy and other modalities. That is a great start. You want to start realizing the power of personal and professional development. However, all of them have been created by men and do not speak to the female brain. Therefore, they either don’t work, or they are not long-lasting for most women.
If you are looking for long-lasting change so that you can start living your best life now – click here to find out more about a 30-day solution - created by a woman, specifically designed for a woman’s brain. It worked for me and it has worked for thousands of women around the world.
Once you have achieved a “knowing” and and understanding of how truly great you are – that positive inner dialogue and inner calm –you can step into YOUR POWER and watch how it positively affects those you love and your success. Life is too short. Don’t wait for the right time.
Start living your best life now!