I recently had a client of mine talk to me about an event that she hosted. It sounded AMAZING! Honestly, I would have paid to attend! I have no doubt that every morsel of food that she made was delicious and that every detail of the event was thought through with detail, love and care.
Unfortunately, someone's guest showed up and unexpectedly threw her plans "for a loop". She then felt as though her efforts had been diminished. In addition, she felt responsible for people at the party feeling uncomfortable.
I had to explain to her that one aspect of something not going as planned does not dismiss all efforts. In addition, it was was not her her responsibility to insure that her guests felt comfortable.
I asked her if she felt the need to have everything be perfect and she said "yes" as though a light bulb went off, and she began to cry. That was O.K. because emotions are energy and that energy needs to be released. I simply held space. She was realizing that it has been controlling her entire life causing undue stress for her, her husband and her children.
I explained to her that at the core of perfectionism is childhood trauma. When we dug deeper, she realized the need to have everything be perfect - came from her father. When she was a child she was told and taught, that she "represented" her family. What she did and how she looked. Therefore, the underlying "false belief" she created as a child - was that she had to be perfect. That underlying belief however was based on her father's wants and needs - not hers. Those false beliefs we "acquire" as children go on to affect us for the rest of our lives - limiting us - UNTIL we identify them, clear them out and replace them with truth. Only then can they NOT affect us. Then, at a deeper level more false beliefs begin to form. "If I am perfect - than Daddy will love me." or "I am only worthy if I am perfect." Whew! That is a lot to carry.
Once we cleared ALL of those FALSE BELIEFS you could see a visible change and as she expressed it, "she began to feel as free as a bird flying over the water at the beach!" That is a beautiful image isn't it? My client no longer feels burdened to have everything be perfect, nor does she feel as though SHE needs to look and act perfect in order to be loved or feel worthy.
The stress, frustration, and disappointments around perfectionism are gone - at a deep unconscious level. The domino affect this clearing/healing will have on her happiness, health and her family will continue for years to come!